I’ve learned a lot about what I’m worth these days. Right down to a simple phone call. The human race has failed me in so many ways these days. I’m back to the “can’t stop crying” phase. I’m tired of the roller coaster. I’m tired of this process. I’m tired of the thought that I have to go to court on Tuesday and see my ex-husband. It’s all that is on my mind: the possibility of having to see him. I’m so angry that this is happening I just want to rip his throat out and then I have to see him? I just don’t think I’ll be able to do anything other than burst into tears on the stand.
I’m just not strong enough these days. I’ve lost several friends over the past few months and I just feel entirely fucking alone. Even with the fact that I have tons of friends, I just feel alone. Alone in my 180-square-foot apartment. Just so alone.
A friend the other day told me that she will never get divorced and that divorce shouldn’t happen. I just smiled and drank my beer and thought, “Talk to me in a few years.” I’m sorry. I’m bitter. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I can’t be excited about your wedding. I’m happy for you, I really am. Do it. Try it. Work at it. Call me if it doesn’t work out.
I’m worth a phone call. I’m worth a text that says, “Hello.” I’m worth … something.